(life is wonderful)

well, i thought i would update real quick before i head home from work here in the admissions office…

life is good guys. Seriously. i am enjoying my spring break, but i am definately to get back in the swing of things. i miss my friends and the people that really matter to me that have left for their various destinations, whether it be home or Florida (GAH! i wish i were there…)  but yeah, for sure, life is wonderful.

sure, don’t get me wrong, things are SUPPPPPER hard here sometimes, and yeah, i get sick of life sometimes, but i just need to shut up because it definately COULD BE WORSE. i don’t have AIDS. i have eyes that are not gouged out.. i can walk. i have clothes, i have a place to live. i can buy food. i have 2 jobs.. some don’t even have 1 or even the OPTION of 1… so i am blessed.

also– i really am enjoying my classes here. they are kind of difficult sometimes because i don’t know much about the Bible, and it becomes more and more obvious as i go into my classes, but it’s ok.. there’s a reason i am here.

i ichatted with Jolie the other night, it was awesome. i will definately need to do that more often. with more people.. i miss you all! HOW ARE ALL OF YOU?! please, fill me into your lives… call me. email me. jmhaworth33@hotmail.com. i WANT to know what’s going on in your lives.

i am really pumped for God and just the fact that he created us. people ARE awesome, even though i hate them (myself inclusive) sometimes..

i love you all. enjoy life, don’t let it pass you by. oh, and CALL ME.

should i just get a tumblr? hah.

i am sitting here in the library of OCU realizing a few things..

1) i think i am getting sick. there is this gross feeling in my throat which is like acidic and a bit gnarly tasting. especially when i swallow. hmm, i hope that clears up soon.

2) i have a massive paper i need to write by tomorrow, however there is basically NO. TIME. to do it.

3) i have drama practice at 11 pm tonight. enough said. :/

4) i really think God is so beautiful. I am glad he made the world. trees, water, people, animals… everything.

5) i wish i could see light because he had surgery on one eye to repair his vision and i just want to be able to see his excitement.. and joy..   wow. i love his heart.

6) i miss toledo. i miss the union. i miss being able to sit somewhere and not know anyone around. that is nice…

7) not texting is really hard

8) my post yesterday really had nothing to do with being mad at what i posted, i was mad about other things.. but that just enhightened my anger.

i’m mad.

http://www.diamondboycott.com/

 

i gave up texting for Lent. so call me, please.

hungry

I am currently working right now. well, i guess you could say i am officially off now, however, i am still sitting at my desk because i realize that i never write on here, and i want someone to hear about my life, since nobody ever knows what’s doing on with me.

school here is so different from Toledo, which isn’t bad nor is it good. it’s just… different. i have class tuesday-friday (yeah, i definately am completely thrown off because of the whole no school on FRIDAYs at Toledo.. haha), i have chapel on tuesdays, wednesdays and fridays. yeah, i go to church while i am at school?? it’s really cool though. i always love chapel time.

as of late, i realized what a big deal me leaving Toledo was. i lost so many credits in transferring because they simply couldn’t fit them in the curriculum here.. which is a big bummer. I find myself questioning school at all moments of my day. whether it’s when i am eating, sitting in class, reading my bible… MY BRAIN WORKS ENTIRELY TOO WELL!   so, due to this disappointing fact about my credits and such, i am considering some different options regarding school. they are as follows:

1) return to Toledo, possibly in the summer.

2) go to another school

3) suck it up and deal with feeling like i wasted time.

honestly, i wish running away were an option. HAHA but obviously that isn’t very realistic. SO! This is is the plan stan. I am going to have Toledo as my safety school, meaning, I KNOW i can go back there and not worry about this transferring, except for a few classes here at OCU. While know this, I am going to see how many credits I can fight for to fit in here at OCU, and I am reapplying to Toledo. ALSO!! I am sending my application into a few other schools such as : Wright State, Capital, Otterbein and maybe OSU. I am considering a few things while searching for these other schools.. 1)theatre 2) the psychology program 3)locality of the school to my home here in circleville.

SO. we will see what happens. I am sure you will be eagerly awaiting. feel free to drop any advice

and now, another topic. I miss God. Jake and i broke up last sunday due, in part, to this fact. I definately feel like God can use this time, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset me a bit to realize that the person I love is struggling with life and God right now.. and I CAN’T be there to help..

other than that, i work at Kroger Pharmacy (aka HELL) still on Saturday’s and Sunday’s. Also– i am working, here, in the admissions office on campus as OCU. it’s really great and i love the people i work with! they are so awesome, so praise God!!! I am enjoying my classes.. i mean, come on! I learn about God and His Word every day.. so that rocks, in my book!

and that’s about it. i promise to try and post more often

if you are reading this, i am sure i miss you. so give yourself a big hug and imagine me almost crying and telling you how much you mean to me!

God Bless.

well, i live in circleville.

So. School has already begun. I am a bit shocked at this fact. and, at the same time, I am not.  Compared to last year’s break, I DEFINATELY took a break. I refused to work the whole break, which has basically cost me a lot of money (EEK!). But, it is ok. I think I needed time to be myself. So, over break I basically read a lot. I started and finished The Barbarian Way (gracias Jolie!), and bought anothing book called Starving Jesus. I visited Jake and his family from Colorado a few days after Christmas in Toledo. They were lovely. I also spent New Year’s with my love, which I enjoyed!   One of my dear friends since I was at Rio (she is actually my roommate from when I went to Rio) got married! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! and I am sure I did some other things, but I just cannot remember them.

moving on. School has started, which I already stated. I am unsure of how I feel about it. I guess time will tell, in this case. But, one thing’s for sure, God is definately working in my life and I, although a bit skeptical and discouraged, have NO DOUBT that God has me here for a reason. So, I am pumped to find out that reason, preferably sooner than later, but whatever.

last. i miss people. i miss my friends. i was laying in bed this morning and realized that i miss the Student Union. CRAZY?? yes.  but I DO!!  i miss being on my own a lot of the time. i just plain miss being me. i miss seeing Jake. i miss watching the little tv i DID watch with him. i miss his gross house… not that i miss it being gross, i just miss IT.

now i am going to go back to watching Bewitched. if you are reading this, most likely i miss you. so think of me often, if you get the chance, i guess. i am sure i think of you often.

i’m sure it’s about time i CARPE DIEM!

ok ok ok, i know, CLICHE! i don’t give a darn my friend.. it’s true. i need to quit dwelling on the sadness of the world and realize that our Lord is in control of it…i mean, YES, we should care, and i fully believe we should care enough that it breaks our hearts, but there comes a point where enough if enough and you have to realize you are BLESSED to have this life, and you need to start LIVING it, because others can’t.. and God wouldn’t want you sitting there crying like a baby all the time… he wants you OUT AND ABOUT!! and raising some eyebrows i excitement!!!!

ok, enough of sounding like a motivational speaker. MOVING ON!

i just listened to some amazing songs that broke my heart with happiness. Go listen to them as well: “‘Til kingdom come” — COLDPLAY    and “1,2,3,4″–Plain White T’s… they will change your life. oh, and if you aren’t a quintessential hopeless romantic, you may not like them. but, newsflash!, i AM. so i adore them.

also– today i realized that i take things for granted. i take my time for granted. i take my friends for granted. HECK, i take God for granted. i need to stop this. this is not something i should do… hence, the title of this blog being what it is. it’s about time i start living my life and realizing we are only here for a short visit, we better start getting pumped and seeing God in all we do.. or it’s worthless.

i was listening to a podcast sermon the other day about Caleb. now, i don’t know if you know, but Calab is da’ bomb.. fo sho’!  The author of Jeremiah describe Caleb of living WHOLEHEARTEDLY for Christ. Even Caleb said it about himself (but, come on, you KNOW you wouldn’t most likely say that about yourself.. God would most likely strike you down with lightning right in your pj’s for thinking it..hah!)  Moses, Caleb’s kind of BFF and mentor even described Caleb as living WHOLEHEARTEDLY for Christ…

now, guys. if that weren’t enough recognition, GOD HIMSELF even said that Caleb lived WHOLEHEARTEDLY for Christ.. HOW STINKIN’COOL?!  i am just astonished. At the same time, i was like, “well, i am SURE Caleb was just tight with God, you know?”  and he most likely was, but honestly.. God just saw Caleb and his HEART for Christ..

this got me thinking… i’m not sure, buuuttt, guysssss. i think we are supposed to be living like this. What would it look like if people would tell other people about me and use words like “passionate” and “WHOLEHEARTEDLY following Christ” ??? pretty awesome possum…

SO! this is what i am going to do.. and have been trying to do for about a year or so.. i not only want to live this way for Christ’s sake… but i NEED to, or nothing will happen in my life. i cannot do anything without Christ.  i think my brain needs to grasp this a little more.

ok. i’m tired.    night

oh, just at Beaner’s

well,  i guess i should be studying, however, that has yet to happen thus far today…

INSTEAD: i have been doing several, nonproductive, things…

1. facebooking (i think this can be a verb now?)
2. looking at pictures on my laptop
3. laughing at stupid ‘stuff on cats’ photos
4. reading other people’s blogs
5. listening to music
6. thinking about studying, but, again, not doing so…
7. making lists in my head of things i need to do, but not wanting to do them…
8. thinking about all the things i enjoy as of late.

so see, i haven’t been up to NOTHING, i have been quite busy… or rather my brain has been going nonstop.

 i got a paper back today in my news writing class, and i’m ticked off about it. I thought it was a total A paper, but SOMEHOW i only got a B on it… which now has my grade as a B+ going into the final… nevertheless, my fries are totally cheezed by this fact. but hey, at least i am done with that class. F O R E V A    B A B Y!

moving on, i am a bit angered at school. we have basically not been on speaking terms all semester, but now i am just really fed up. it takes up so much of my life. and i had a sudden realization that i still have like, what, 5-6 more years left??   so pumped about that…   it’s so weird. i really DO love school, but i just haven’t been feeling it as of late, or rather, the whole semester. maybe it’s because i am taking classes that are not really want i need/want to be taking any ways?? most likely. pff, you can’t win them all.

also– i am a bit impressed by the personality tests i took today. According to the Meyer Briggs Personality Test i am an ENFJ.  To those of you NOT interested, please stop reading now… but anyhow, this means i am an Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Judgemental person.  Luckily Jolie set me straight that the last part does not mean i am judgemental haha. thanks jol!    

here are some things this personality test said about me:

ENFJ children want life to be friendly, harmonious, and lively. They are responsible children because they like to please others and meet their needs. In doing for others, they usually find satisfaction for themselves. They are upset by conflict or disharmony. They are pleasant, exuberant and talkative.

ENFJ teenagers are constantly on the go, participating in many, many things. They enjoy a wide variety of activities, not only for that variety but also for the action and opportunity to be with others. They love being involved with friends, clubs, and any activities that let them be with others. ENFJs are often voted most congenial or nicest person in their class. Additionally, they may serve as leaders in their school activities. As students, they are able to focus on the interpersonal spirit or nature of the school and to speak eloquently to others about the school’s best values. ENFJs are likable because they notice what is good about people.

As young adults, ENFJs set goals early on, both in the personal and professional realms. They follow through diligently and usually attain what they seek. Often the goals they set have to do with making society a better place for people. ENFJs may sometimes feel pulled between financial gain and spiritual gain.

Many ENFJs take their religious and community values seriously and want others to do the same. Loyalty, commitment, and responsibility are important values to ENFJs, even as children. They often settle into organizations that have a values orientation, or they will find a spot in an organization that is centered on values or people’s need. ENFJs make responsible spouses, employees, and community members. Because most ENFJs enjoy public speaking and seem to have a way with words, they are often asked to present the position of the groups to which they belong.

Some ENFJs report that at mid-life they seek situations for themselves where it is possible for them to turn inward. This often takes a structured form such as meditation, journaling, or in some cases even career changes.

In retirement, they are likely to want to settle geographically in an area where they have close personal relationships and/or close personal ties to a specific organization. The relationships and values that are imprtant to the ENFJ become even more so in their retirement. Many ENFJs participate in voluntary service work in retirement.

FYI: all of these things are true about me. I am thoroughly impressed Meyer Briggs… kudos to you!

moving on with the not-so-fluidity of this post, here is a picture that i completely lost my mind looking at this morning:

have a good day everyone!

just being real.

As of late, I have come to the conclusion that my brain works exceptionally TOO WELL!

Signs of this include:

• I think about things like the fact that Americans spend $450,000,000,000 on Christmas and it would only take about $10,000,000,000 to solve the clean water crisis AROUND THE FRICKIN’ WORLD!!
• I continually LIST, in my head or on paper on on several papers or post-its, things I need to do for school or life in general. Somehow, I still manage to list things in my mind such as things I plan to do when the break starts, but Honestly, that list should just be scratched out because I think all i need to do is take a mental vacation.
• I get so lost in thought when I am driving that I often forget where I was going.
• I tend to forget what tv show I am watching because I am thinking about something like ‘oh, i should really listen to this podcast!’ or ‘now, where is my i-pod?’
• I think more than I talk, which is INSANE in and of itself.

Basically, I have a thinking/listing/organizing/fixing DISORDER.

I think it’s ok, but it certainly doesn’t help that I almost cry at any instant because I begin to think of the many sorrows my family/friends are having in their lives. I know that God doesn’t want us to think we can fix everything, because in all actually, WE are not the one’s fixing anything. I just feel like I am in the middle of the ocean all alone trying to scream but the water keeps coming in my mouth like the time I went on a neardeath snorkleing trip in the Dominican…

moving on… frankly, as of late, I am a bit overwhelmed. not necessarily in a BAD WAY. but i am, indeed, overwhelmed.

this comes from several different things, many of which i will refrain from having you have to suffer from thinking about yourself, but some are just not bad at all.  For instance, I am incredibly overwhelmed by the person God has molded me into thus far. I am completely in awe of the things He has done in my life and the mere fact that I am alive, just points to God seeing as i KNOW i should not be here right now.

anyways, that’s all i have for right now….

yeah, i wish i could be there…

“When there’s nothing left to burn..”

“…you have to set yourself on fire”

this morning i was listening to some music and mainly the music i was listening to was Derek Webb. ever hear of him? if not, go look him up and listen to his music all the time. I guarantee he will wake up your soul and capture just how awful we are at lovers of God.

moving on, as i was listening to his music, a few songs popped out in my head: “wedding dress” and “t-shirts” being two i just kept focusing on.

the lyrics of these songs really strike to the core of who i am. i am an awful person. i fail every single day. not to say that this is bad, but i just cannot BELIEVE that Jesus loves me, especially when i was his enemy. when i hated him. when i was completely opposite of him.

that’s love.

then, i began to think about the fact that Christians are the #1 reason for atheism. now, i don’t know about you, but when i heard that i was rather ashamed of it. but at the same time, i began to get very full of pride and thought, ‘well that’s just about THOSE Christians.’   and in the same breath i began to realize that i was being JUST LIKE those Christians.

from this thought, the words from “T-shirts” really resonate in my sinful heart:

they’ll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they’ll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they’ll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they’ll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

anyone else feel like we are missing it?? for me, BOTH HANDS ARE RAISED.  how did we get this far? how have we completely missed what we were put on this beautiful creation called earth for?? God created us for HIM. to GLORIFY him. he didn’t need us, but rather he WANTED us. he wanted us to show HIS LOVE to the nations, to the ends of the earth. But, what are we doing? we are doing nothing but hating others. being selfish. not giving to the poor. even if we are the poor, we should still be giving.  we aren’t having prayer lives. we aren’t spending our time with the Lord like we should. I am saying WE because i am completely included in this hypocracy.

the Lord has given us ETERNAL LIFE if we have declared that He is our Lord and Savior. and what have we done with it?? we’ve hoarded it for ourselves, and then, showed everyone who isn’t a Christian, or EVEN TO OUR OWN BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST, that we just don’t have time for them. we are disgusted by them. their sin is worse than ours.

i am ashamed.

we were made for radical love. radical lives FOR Jesus. radical compassion. and radical obedience. but we aren’t doing anything of the sort.

another bit of lyrics that struck home were those from “Wedding Dress”:

I am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

the Lord loves me SO MUCH, and yet i run to ‘other lovers’ instead of Him. how awful His love is more radiant and extravagant than any other person’s love for me could ever be, even the love for myself. I don’t fully trust the Lord with every aspect of my life, and yet, HE created my life. and HE knows what’s going to happen.

i can’t help but feel that i am not getting it. i try and try and try, and i am just not living my life full out for Christ.

i read ‘Crazy Love’ this summer, and throughout the book, Francis Chan speaks of hypocracy and radical love and how different the two are. He said that we went back and read the Gospels all the way through as if he had never read them before. The reason: to see what it was really all about.   And, he came up with one crucial point…  God wants all or nothing.

and i am NOT giving Him all. so that means i am giving Him something that is as good as nothing.

i just need change..

lovely

i am just an old soul. end of story.   so here is this video clip i found that i just ADORE.

 

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/index/?o_cid=mediaroomlink&cid=63856